Much has been written about struggling parents when they have a child or an adult son or daughter who is mentally ill.  But what about the reversal, when it is the mother or father who has a brain illness?

As a once active member of a local NAMI Family Support group, the vast majority of attendees were mothers, concerned about their offspring, and the occasional father in attendance. Less often, a young adult would show up for the meeting, stressed and overwhelmed with a parent who is out of control, undiagnosed or perhaps diagnosed but resisting treatment.

This is not at all similar to a man or woman who gladly steps into the role, later in life, to care for their aging parent when they are physically or mentally frail. In many of these cases, the elderly parent is appreciative that their mature son or daughter can help them handle their affairs and maybe even invite the elderly person to live with their son or daughter and grandchildren.

Instead, we might see someone in their forties or fifties, who has forced their adult child to assume a caretaker role that they are not prepared for, and which is not appreciated by the ill parent. If there is also a substance abuse disorder, it can heighten the potential for accidents, violence, eviction, and all varieties of drama that plague any family with a mentally ill loved one.   At least with a parent who is taking care of their child, it is more the natural order of give and take.  But when a young adult has to suddenly assume the augmented role of parent-case manager, and under wildly unpredictable circumstances, it can make the young person feel cheated out of their own life and personal goals.

You can imagine how a person who has not accepted their diagnosis from doctors or therapists would be even more resentful of a son or daughter getting them to accept their illness and take the necessary steps to manage it.  One memorable young woman came to our NAMI meeting to say that her mother was living with her, but it had become unbearable.  Her mother refused to move out and get the supervised care she needed, so the daughter actually felt she had to resort to abandoning her mother, moving to another location by herself, and letting the apartment owner deal with her mother “as a squatter.”

In other instances, an adult child may really want to take on the task of helping their mother or father, only to have their unstable parent cut them out of their life, as they continue to be a danger to themselves and others. When we think about how an entire family is impacted by one member having a mental illness, it is not easier for one type of relationship over another. It is almost always a strain, awkward, and for some, a thankless job.  One can also well imagine the special circumstances surroundings a sibling burdened with taking care of a brother or sister, or even spouses, where one is not functioning well or participating in their own best interests.

When you have a parent who is seriously mentally ill, you may have to resort to similar housing options as a young person, but the big difference comes when that parent reaches an age where they must be treated and housed in a facility just for seniors. It might not be appropriate to place an older person with schizophrenia in a nursing facility for those with dementia.  The person with schizophrenia may be higher functioning in other ways and find their surroundings to be totally depressing and inappropriate. Other issues could be medications that an older adult needs for physical ailments and how they would interact with psychotropic medications.

To date, there are no great resources for a parent with serious mental illness (SMI), compared to younger people.  There is still a lack of options and it also shines a light on the fact that schizophrenia is a disorder with a wide spectrum ranging from low functioning to high functioning, as well as the reality of dual diagnosis  and multiple disorders co-occurring.   In current times, “Dual Diagnosis” implies a mental illness combined with substance abuse. Multiple disorders can include schizophrenia with a mood disorder (schizoaffective disorder) or schizophrenia combined with a personality disorder, such as OCD or NPD.  We don’t treat all people with cancer the same way, and we should not treat all people with SMI the same way.

 

Kartar Diamond is a Mental Illness Advocate and author of Noah’s Schizophrenia: A Mother’s Search for Truth